Sweet Home Alabama
by Smigmee Smimbles
Summary: Greg and James finally get a place together--but can they live together again? This time without disasterous results? Mature scenes inside :P Please review my story!
1. Chapter 1

**House gets a house off of the Council**

**A Smigmee Smimbles fanfic**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these fuckin characters.**

**It was afternoon, and Dr Gregory House MD was sitting in the Sutton Council Housing office. He were bored shitless cos they aint got any good magazines in there and there is like loads of Chavs and Benefit Scroungers hangin about. House was getting eyed up by this 20 stone woman in a acid green tracksuit who had 5 kids. Fat slag. Anyways, she had this hungry look in her eyes, and crisp crumbs around her gob, which both unnerved and aroused Greg.**

**He decided to make the first move.**

" **Why hello there, you sexy swine. Care for a Polo mint?"**

**Her beady eyes rounded onto the packet and her fatty telekinesis drew the mints towards her open gob.**

" **Fankz Daaaahlin. Fancy a snog?"**

**Greg was excited. This middle-aged woman had tits the size of goats and not tiny ones like that fuckin Cameron. Seriously man, them tits is well small. Mine are like fuckin Zeppelins compared to her fuckin midget gems. Anyway, House was trying to get into the fattie woman's cheap knickers and he wasn't embarrassed about boinking her in the Council Offices. Who knows, if they do it right and she gets preggers, then they would have a better chance of getting a council flat. Just then, as Greg was groping this massive woman's flabby breasts, James Wilson walked in. **

" **House WTF? Why is you trying to get off with Vicky Clap—the most STD riddled spunk-bucket in all of Surrey? And why is there limpets attached to your jacket?" He shouted, whilst stabbing a jobseeker in the eye with his erect penus.**

" **Omg Wilson I fuckin never touched her, you Knob-Jockey! And anyway, these limpets are better friends than you—they never accuse me of molesting obese whores!"**

" **Akshully, im not an whore, cos I don't charge men to have sex wiv me." The fat Ho said, shovelling pickled onion crisps into her awaiting mouth. Urgh. It was like watching one of them massive snakes eat like a goat or summink. Then she got out one of them ice lollies (the ones that look delightfully phallic) and began licking it slowly.**

" **Dat's wot you're gonna get latah, 'Ouse."**

" **Phwoar! I'm finally gonna lose me virginity with a lady!"**

" **Urgh House you're still a virgin? Lol im gonna go tell your mum!"**

" **I am 'is mum." Said the fat lass.**

**Greg did a double-take.**

" **Oh sorry mum, I didn't notice ya."**

**Wilson was horrified. Looking at Greg's fat mum made him realise that Greg has fatty genes and could very well turn into a fatty. Like his fat mum. Who was fat.**

" **Greg, aside from trying to have sex and do incest in your mom"**

**He says mom cos he's a Yank and they always fuck up England words. Bastards. Yknow, they call biscuits cookies over there and they call chips fries! Weird, innit?**

" **I don't think you should take that Council Apartment near the chip shop."**

" **Why not?" Greg said as he was filling out a form. He had just learned to write and was very excited (and aroused, never forget that this man was highly sexed) that L's look like oddly shaped penises. **

" **Well…how do I say this? YOUR MOM IS A FAT, CELLULITEY OLD HAG WITH AS MUCH CHARISMA AS THAT LITTLE BIT OF FLUFF THAT GETS STUCK ON THE END OF YOUR DONG! And another thing, are those kids even fathered by your dad?!"**

" **Course they is!"**

" **Oh really? And your dad is a 17 year old lad who your mum met in The Red Lion pub?"**

**Just then, the lad in question walked over.**

" '**Ello Greg, how you diddlin'?" he said, whilst giving the missus a black eye.**

" **Hi dad!" And Greg hugged him.**

" **Fuck me." Wilson sighed.**

" **Lol K" And with that Greg kicked James over and tried to do sex in his bumhole. Wilson wanted it, but also liked playing hard to get, so a fight ensued. House's young, and also overweight father broke them up.**

" **Oi! Youse two shudnt be fightin each other! Brothers don't fight like dat!" he shouted, giving both them, the missus and the other little brats a black eye. And one to himself, to be fair.**

" **BROTHERS?!" Greg and James both exclaimed.**

" **Yeah, you're bruvvahs, and you 'ave been ever since you were born from my cavernous vagina. This vagina right here. Want me to show it to ya?" their fat mum said.**

" **Only if you winch your flab up so we can see it properly."**

**Luckily, James had bought his nice Winch along, and so they proceeded to do more incest and have a good old look at her ugly ladies bits. Lol fat vagina.**

**Anyway, incest aside, Greg finally managed to fill out the form and gave it to the man on the front desk. To get the worst family in Sutton out of his council office, the man simply gave Greg and James a flat in a nice little area near a place called Banstead.**

" **Oh brother, hold me!" Greg shouted, wanting a bit more of that incest pie he's been enjoying all these years.**

**Coming up: House and Wilson move in together!**

**Konnichiwaaaaaaaaaaa! I love GregXJames—it's so Kaaaawaaaiiiiiiii!! - o.O :D XD 3 3 3 kawaii !!**


	2. Chapter 2: Rebel

**House and Wilson finally move in together **

**A House MD fanfic by Smigmee Smimbles**

**Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, they belong to Capcom and all that old fanny.**

**It was seven o clock in the morning, and the Removal van man was unpacking the last of James and Gregs stuff. The man in question was rather overweight, mainly due to his skips and wanking habit. His nametag said "Dob Digby" in bold, child-like script and his overalls were at least 6 sizes too small.**

" **Oi, Mistah 'ouse, I unpacked all ya gear. Can I 'ave dat twenny quid now?" He said, whilst punching Wilson in the face.**

" **Nah, you can go eat a dick." Greg replied, in a state of mild arousal.**

**Dob Digby was getting angry. You could see it in his fat wobbly face. Greg stuck up his middle finger.**

" **Dualize with THIS!"**

**James, after getting his eyes blatted in, got the DVD player from out of a box and threw it at some orphans, then collected their smashed teeth and threw it at Dob. They went into his eyes and hurt him lots. LOL.**

" **Take that! Anyway, Greg, where is your mom gone? It's not like you could miss her fat-ass ass. Seriously, your mom is well ugly and my eyes puke whenever I gaze upon that disgusting sack of lard she calls a face. I hope you don't turn out all ugly and fat like her."**

" **Jamez, u can't say nuthin, cos your mum's just as wobbly. Everytime she bends over to pick up a condom from my jacket pocket, it's like watching two zeppelins having it off!"**

" **House, don't forget that we share the same mom."**

" **No we don't—the Author changed the story a bit. We share the same dad."**

**Just then, their dad (his name was Tony) arrived in an old Vauxhall car. That was currently on fire. He proceeded to give everyone in the surrounding area a black eye and a swift kick in the bollocks.**

" '**Ello youse two. 'Ow you diddlin'?"**

" **Dad, I swear to god I never diddled that young—Oh you meant how am I doing, right? You know that your arcane south London phrases get me on edge. Especially the one that implies that I'm going to get arse-raped in the near future." Greg said, sweating and aroused.**

" **Shup. You talk too much. And 'ow's me little James doin'?"**

" **Aye yeah, I'm alright, thanks. The nerve endings in my rectum are still somewhat stimulated from when Gregory thrust his erect phallus into me and indulged in anal copulation with myself."**

" **Eh? Wot?" **

" **Oh sorry dad, I forgot that you're mentally subnormal. Greg did me up the arse."**

" **UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGGGGH" **

" **What? You have a problem with me and James engaging in a sexual, incestuous relationship?"**

" **Nah, I jus' realised dat there's a worm in me apple."**

**It were true. There was a worm in his apple. **

**Hours later, after Tony had smacked his kids' heads in for being a pair of bum-boiz, Greg and James had finally moved in and decided to go all Emo and Angsty as they unpacked. The first agenda on the list of being an Angsty dick-twitch is reminiscing over stupid shit. James picked up Greg's stupid guitar.**

" **Oh Greg, do you remember when you got this? After you fired Foreman? It was a sign that you can change and that you are ready to start new relationships with both objects and people. It's your way of getting on with life."**

"**I nicked it off a dead paedophile."**

" **Oh…um. Okay…Ah! What about this old Vinyl record of the Rolling Stones? It's an audio representation of your youthful rebelliousness and your expressive nature."**

" **That was what the surgeons pulled out of my arse when I started a fight with those Football Hooligans."**

" **Right…now this one must hold some significance. It's the first used condom I threw at your back when you first joined fuckin Princeton Plains borough."**

" **That was taken off of the dead paedophile after he had sex with the Football Hooligans."**

" **House, you fuckin suck."**

**Just then, Greg got MEGA AROUSED and felt the need to teach James a lesson by pulling down his pants and licking his Wilkins. He liked it, the other man liked it and so did their mum, who was watching. **

" **gulp hi mum slurp"**

" **OMG wot is youse two doin?! Is you doin incest again?!" She said, all 17 of her flabby chins wobbling. She were just pissed off cos she couldn't reach her fat lady bits cos there was a wall of flab in the way. Wilson, whilst in a state of non-coprophilic arousal, turned and faced his fat mum (or mom if you're a yank).**

" **Hello dear mother, would you like a glass of milk, and not my semen?"**

" **I fuckin want some fuckin skips you fuckin ponce"**

" **No, you voluptuous semen-barrel, I asked you what you wanted for a drink."**

" **Fuckin Skips"**

" **You want me to BLEND some Prawn Cocktail flavour crisps and pour them into a cup for you to drink?"**

" **Fuckin put them in my fuckin Snoopy mug, you cunt"**

**James couldn't hear her cos he was busy organisiming into Greg's awaiting mouth. **

**SEMEN IS WHAT'S FOR DINNER.**

" **Oh Wilsooooooooooooooon let me put my cane into your Snoopy mug!!1!!"**

"**Eh?"**

" **Let me have sex with your arse"**

" **Eh? Eh?"**

" **LET ME SHOOT MY SPOINGLE ONTO YOUR STOMACH"**

" **Greg, no….not in front of that Snoopy plushie…"**

**House's face turned deadly serious.**

" **I LIKE being watched."**

**HE LIKES BEING WATCHED.**

**Gregory House had a long history of liking being watched. For instance, he masturbated whilst his penus was covered in a thick, gloopy layer of cold baked beans in front of his Chemistry teacher, earning him the nickname " Heinz".**

**Whilst James and Greg were gaying it up, their new neighbour Green-nosed, Rollerskate Zoombini skated over to them. **

" **Hiya guyz, would you care to come in for some cookies and Bacardi Breezers? I'm sure my Bisexual husband would love to meet you." She pouted, absent-mindedly sitting on the floor and splaying her legs out wide.**

" **Okay suuuuuuure NOT. Your house looks poo"**

**Just then, Zoombini's husband, The Red Spy from Team Fortress 2, stuck his head out of their grubby window and threw a plate at his Zoombini wife.**

" **MMMMMMMMMAKE ME A PIZZAAAA!" Then he nodded at House and Wilson "Gentlemen."**

" **Oh fuck off, Spy—or I'll tell these 2 men about your erectile dysfunction and your latent Klismaphilia!"**

" **I told you to MMMMMMMMMAKE ME A PIZZAAAAAAAAA you fat cow"**

**This continued for at least 7 hours. The phrase " MMMMMMAKE ME A PIZZAAAAA" was bellowed at least 1,152 times. The spy was henceforth murdered and 29 crying orphans gathered around his glass coffin in the enchanted forest.**

**Why?...WHY??...****WHY?!**

**Hi-hi! Or Konnichiwaaaa as my Jappo friend KagoYasha Tsuna would say!! Part 3 comin soon!!**


End file.
